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Time for an English post now, I think. Warning: weird science fiction reference below.

Why do we do the things we do? I asked my self that question so many times when I was in Africa. How do we know we are the right people, in the right place, at the right time? Why am I here, now, in this place? Why did I go to Africa? What did I hope to gain? Glory? Recognition? Redemption? I see myself surrounded by children, and I am reminded of another similar tableau - Marcus Lorbeer (from the le Carré novel/Hollywood blockbuster The Constant Gardener) surrounded by his dinka friends in Southern Sudan. «He is working off his guilt in the Sudan...»

Is it guilt that motivates me? Guilt for being one of the twenty per cent that of the World's population that controls eighty per cent of its resources? Am I doing this for the people I work with, or am I just trying to redeem myself? Does our motivation really matter? Isn't the main thing that people are being helped? And what is selflessness, really?

Up comes the weird Science fiction reference. It is from my all time favourite TV series, from one of the best episodes of the entire show. The episode is entitled Comes the Inquisitor. The inquisitor is a mysterious character named Sebastian. He refers to himself at one point as «Diogenes with his lamp, looking for an honest man willing to die for all the wrong reasons.» The quote goes like this:

Sebastian: «How do you know the chosen ones? No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his brother. Not for millions. Not for glory, not for fame ... for one person ... in the dark, where no one will ever know ... or see.»

Would I do that? Would I be willing to die for all the wrong reasons, just to save another? When there is absolutely nothing in it for me, no one to remember what I did, no one to tell my family about my sacrifice, nothing, except the belief that what I am doing is right. Life is full of questions. I'll let you know if I find any answers. In the meantime, I'll keep asking.

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